Dear Blog,

I'm so sorry to have neglected you so much for the last few weeks. I fear we are both to blame. You seem to be so needy. Which is not really a bad thing for the most part. Your neediness feeds my ego and I like that. But I will admit my part. I have been to tired to care about you lately. I'm sorry but it's true. I have a house to run and little children who's needs come before you or me. I can't promise that I will be as loyal to you as I have in the past. After all with baby number three on the way who knows, I might just disappear all together. I mean, I hope that's not the case anyway. But who knows. Three kids is a lot. A lot for me anyway. So until the morning sickness, fatigue, and general disorientation of my life comes to end and to order, you'll just have to wait.

Thank you dear blog for letting me share a bit of myself with you. I promise I wont forget you and I will check on you from time to time. I promise that I will be back. I don't know when but I promise I will.



Your friend,
Michelle

I have a lot to be thankful for today. It's been a rough week for me overall I'd say, but today I'm just feeling grateful.

For my lovely followers and random readers who may not have heard, I'm pregnant. Yes we just had a baby. No it was not planned. No I'm not ready. Yes Clint's excitement and joy is starting to slowly rub off on me. At 6 weeks pregnant I'm feeling very tired and very nauseous.

So tonight Clint and I are going to the temple for a ward temple night. I'm not really sure how I'll be fitting in my dress but I'm sure those sweet ladies in the dressing room will help me figure it out. LOL!

I'm embarrassed to admit it but it's been a few months since we last went to the temple. We really need this and I'm really looking forward to it.

We've definitely had a lot go wrong over the last couple of weeks but last night as I was saying prayers with Kailey before bed I really started to think about how much we have really been blessed through it all.

This morning I woke up feeling so guilty for all my grumbling and whining and cursing. So I got on my knees and asked the Lord to forgive me for all my complaining and then I thanked him for all that he had blessed us with, including this little surprise due in 34 weeks. That one was hard but it definitely needed to be included. After all what greater blessing could our Heavenly Father have given us?

When I was done with my prayer I felt so much better. So much lighter. So much more at peace with myself and my situation. Prayer has always been a very powerful source of comfort in my life. I think it was probably one of the first things I really gained a testimony of. I'm so grateful to have that open line between my Heavenly Father and myself.

So tonight we will go to the temple and as husband and wife and together we will thank our Creator for all the good in the world and for all that he has blessed us with.

TGIF! and TGFB (Thank goodness for babysitters)!

Why is that when things go bad they can't just go a little bad? Is this like some cosmic joke that when things go bad they have to go really bad?

With our trip to Victoria, even with all it's own little quirks, out of the way I thought we had a great start to another fabulous North West summer. But it seems that sine we've been home things have slowly unraveled and now here I am today, some what amused by the fact that things are as crazy as they are.

First my Dishwasher has been growling at me off and on when I try to use it for a quite a while now. Well it's officially decided it hates me and now grumbles and groans and growls at every use. Time for a new one!

Second my gas range has had a burner out of commission since we moved into our house. I learned to work around it. But now a second burner has decided to join the first in it's protest to my cooking. Time for a new range!

Third, Kailey got the flu last Monday so on Tuesday I took her to the doctor only to find out that I paid $30 for a doctor to tell me that there was nothing they could do because the only people who have flu vacs are the people at the hospital. So Kailey suffers through the flu but still isn't better after a week. So yesterday I took her back to the doctor paying another $30 for them to now tell me that she has a double ear infection as a result of the flu. GRRRR!!!! Could they not have just given me the antibiotic last week and saved Kailey the pain and suffering and me the $30 ?!?! I swear doctors are like a necessary evil!

Fourth, I take Garrett to the doc for his 8 month well child check and find out he has pink eye. Well of course it only took a couple days for that to spread to the other eye!

Fifth and last but certainly not least, we had an upstairs toilet overflow, without us knowing, flooding the bathroom and leaking into Kailey's room and down to the main floor. It's a mess. It could be worse, but it's still a mess.

So with two appliances on the fritz, two sick kids, and floor dryers blowing 24/7 I'd say that things can really only go up from here right? Well at least it's an eventful start to summer! Let's just hope that means that the rest of summer will slow and quiet!

Growing up that is. Everything about it, to me, is fascinating. How relationships wax and wain, come and go. How you feel about yourself and the world and your place in the world. How complex and yet how simple it all can be.

Last night before I went to bed I picked up the new Ensign mag that came in the mail and started perusing its pages while I waited for Clint to finish his computer game. I came across an article (that I actually still need to finish reading) and read the first couple paragraphs. The gist of the article was agency. I was immediately infuriated. Not about the article but about certain people in my life who have chosen to use their agency in a way that has hurt me very deeply.

So I close the magazine and follow Clint into the kitchen. I began talking to him about this article. I told him that I've never viewed myself as being a strong, independent, leader but yet because of this certain persons choices I've been put in that position. It's a frustrating position to be in when I have so much hurt and anger inside but yet I have to be the best Christlike example/missionary I can be at the same time. Then on top of that I can't even work through my feelings with the person because if I say anything then I'm the big, bad, Michelle, that's out for blood.

I feel like I'm in one of those "Round-a-bout" intersections you see on the road sometimes. How can I be a good missionary to this person who I have so much anger towards? I love them dearly and that is a lot of why I'm so angry, but yet I don't want to know them just in this life. I want them to be with me for eternity. And in order to do that I have to be a good missionary.

I also feel that until this person changes I need to protect my family from them. Which is just one more GIANT log on an all ready blazing fire of emotions for both of us.

Clint's theory was that I just need to be a better compartmentalizer. I need to separate my feelings for the person and our relationship and focus on the person only as a non-member investigator and nothing else. Which isn't a bad idea but I'm women... my emotions are the driving force behind everything I do, think, and say.

I can only guess that the answer to all this is time and growing up and maturing. Which of course in turn requires patience and long suffering, which I'm not so good at. This to me is why growing up is a funny thing. It's usually never what you expect it to be and most the time you don't really realize you're in the midst of it until you come across and ensign article that causes you to stop and think about it. And somehow I get the sneaking suspicion the this whole growing up process is more of an eternal process than a "just while your here" process.

For our long weekend Clint and I decided to head up to Vancouver and Victoria BC. It was mostly good but with any family trip there is always at least one hiccup. For us there was a few, like having screaming children waking up my kids until 2:30 in the AM at the hotel we stayed at in downtown Van and then thinking we lost Clint's wallet RIGHT before we were supposed to board the ferry to go to Victoria only to find it and then lose the ferry ticket which meant we had to buy a SECOND $72 ticket, then thinking we lost our iphone on the ferry which turned out to just be in the VERY bottom of the diaper bag (thank goodness!), and because we are still trying to potty train Kailey, driving all over creation to find a WalMart to buy some pants and underwear at because she peed all the ones I packed for her! But over all it was good I'd say. I mean each activity we had planned turned out very well. We went to the aquarium, and I swear I could watch those Beluga whales ALL DAY!! They're by far my favorite! Then we went on a bike ride in Stanley Park. It's so beautiful there it just blows me away every time! Then in Victoria went to the Butchart Gardens of course. That was an experience I doubt I'll ever forget. I just loved being surrounded by so much beauty!

We came home Sunday afternoon and spent Monday catching up the yard work we left behind. My poor little flowers sure were thirsty! I have to admit though as I looked at my garden I couldn't help but think how pathetic it was in comparison to the Butchart Gardens! I was feeling pretty good about my garden until now. LOL!! Anyway here are some pics from the trip.

The Aquarium:









The Butchart Gardens:

Like every other person on the planet, on New Years Eve, I announced my plan to become a better me. That was the ultimate goal with many smaller "sub goals" if you will that all cumulatively amount to me being a better me. One of these goals was for me to lose weight. I started off strong like most people do when they attack a new goal. But like everyone else I also allowed myself to fall off the wagon. After feeling pretty bummed about that I forced myself back onto that weight loss wagon. Then I fell off again when I went on vacation. So basically for the last 5 months I've lost and gained this stupid 5 pounds twice!! It's ridiculous!

So, since being home I've finally been convinced by a good friend to run in a 5k run/walk. It wasn't hard for her to convince me because I've desperately been looking for the inspiration and motivation I need to get back on the path to weight loss. The catch is that the race is on June 6th! That's three weeks away!

I'll admit after talking to her I began to panic a bit. She's been running all most every day for a while now trying to get ready. I've been hit and miss for the last FIVE MONTHS and I only have three weeks to get ready!

So after I put the kids to bed I got on my computer and quickly converted the klicks into miles. 5kilometers is 3.1 miles. That made me feel a bit better mostly because it doesn't sound as far as 5 kilometers. But me being me and I had to test myself to see how much work I'd actually have to do to get ready for this race. So I immediately went upstairs and jumped on my elliptical. I'm proud to say I went 3.2 miles in 30 minutes doing an average of 154 strides per minute. Now in my mind (even though I sweat just as much) the elliptical is kind of cheating because when I'm done working out on it I don't really feel like I've worked out where as on the treadmill I FEEL like I was running and I KNOW I've just worked out. So today I will test myself again and this time I will do it on the treadmill. I'm nervous I wont do as well but I guess at least then I'll REALLY know how much work I have to do.

As a women not only do I have about a million favorite things but my favorite things change with my moods. Today the sun is shinning and I feel good. Last weekend I spent 8 hours in my yard mowing, weeding, and planting. I don't really consider myself a "green thumb" and I'm always a bit nervous about spending money on plants that I may or may not be able to keep alive. But this year I'm rather proud of myself and my yard. After four years of buying annuals (thinking they were perenials)and having them die off each winter only to buy more year after year, I've finally learned what to buy! I'm grateful for knowledgeable and experienced gardeners who have taken the time to write articles to guide newbies like me. I am grateful for the sunshine (mostly because we see it so little out here in Western WA). I am grateful for the rain so that I don't have to hover over my beautiful baby plants every day with a watering can. Coming from Kansas where we have CLAY for dirt I'm especially grateful for soft rich dirt. All these things make it possible for my little flowers to grow. But today my favorite thing is the worms.



I had never given the worms much thought until just last weekend. There I was gardening away with Kailey by my side and of course we came across a worm or two (or three or a few dozen) and at first she was scared of the "Swirlies" (as she calls them). Being three years old she wont accept "they're nice. They can't hurt you. Don't kill them." as an answer to what they are and what they're doing in our dirt. So I spent an hour explaining worms and another hour on a hunt to find and rescue the worms. It was a lot fun and I now have a new found appreciation for worms!