I'm not sure if there is something in the air or if it's the changing of seasons fast approaching, or maybe even the cosmos just not aligning, but last week and over the weekend we had some VERY cranky kids at our house. Either one was waking up at all hours of the night, taking naps opposite of each other, crying opposite of each other, etc. So that's what I dealt with all week and had really hoped the weekend would give us chance to re-coop and catch up on sleep (and blogging). No such luck!
Lessons Learned
Friday I got a phone call from our mortgage company, who we are refinancing through, wanting to know if I could send them any copies of any paper work I had regarding a $48 dispute on my credit report. I was a little irritated by this to say the least. This "dispute" was from 2003 when I had my wallet stolen from a YMCA in Wichita, Kansas. I've know it was there since before Clint and I got married and were trying to buy me a truck. But we were able to buy the truck with no problems. Then we got married and bought a house. It came up again then, but we were still able to buy the house. It's just never been that big of an issue, so I never bothered with it. Well now that the banks and mortgage companies are tightening their "belts" it's an issue. AAAAGGGGHHH!! So now I have to rummage through 6 years worth of paperwork to try and find my stuff regarding this situation and email it to the mortgage company. Lesson learned: take care of business!
A visit from the past
Saturday everyone was up early and Clint had to work. I had a good friend from Wichita up here to judge a cheer leading competition in Tacoma and we had plans to get together. It's been about four and half years since I saw him last. What a trip drudging up and dusting off those memories! It was neat because you know how some times when you see some one you knew at one point in your life but lost touch with and there is an awkwardness there because your both so different now? That feeling was never there as I thought it might be! My friend and I didn't skip a beat! We fell into conversation just as easily as we had in the past. It all most seemed like four years hadn't ever even gone by between us. A lot has changed for both of us and our families. He finally found the girl he wants to marry, which is so great! He's always wanted to be married and have a family. He seemed to enjoy the company of my kids even though they were crying and climbing on and under the restaurant table and throwing temper tantrums. Clint was great! What a trooper! Taking care of the kids as best he could so I could visit with my friend. Over all it was a nice evening. I just wish I had had more time to visit!
It's funny how when you are least expecting it your past can sneak up on you out of no where. After church on Sunday I did a lot of contemplating about this. I didn't really come up with much just more questions about why this or that had happened or not....*sigh*...
There were other things from the past that came up this weekend as well, but those are too personal to share on here. I will say this, I feel like I'm at a weird place in my life where my past really is not that far behind me but I feel like it's far enough to put the "duck tape" on those "boxes of memories". Does that make sense? Not that they are all bad memories, just that when do you get to that point in your life when you stop re living them, good or bad? I guess this all really comes back to something my friend said to me Saturday night, which was "Why would you keep in touch with people you were never really friends with to begin with?" Which in turn made me think that I don't want to go to my 10 year when it comes up. Clint has also asked me on occasion why I would want to go back to Wichita when there is nothing besides my family there for me anymore. Honestly if it were not for my family I would probably NEVER go back to Kansas. So again, when do you walk away from certain things and never look back? Do you ever get to that point? Obviously I'm not referring to my parents, but people, places, and memories in general.
THE ROAD NOT TAKEN
by. Robert FrostTwo roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;
Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,
And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I-
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.
I get what you're saying. Having children and being married makes the life you lived before seem even more distant, when really it wasn't that long ago. But it *feels* like it was long enough ago that you can tape and box up those memories and be just fine.
I don't think anyone NEVER looks back. Honestly, if you never look back, I think there are some things that still need to be dealt with. But it's possible to look back without reliving everything. To know that there are some regrets, but things are what they are for a reason and that's okay.
I don't think any of this is making sense. But just know that it's normal to look back every now and then, but still leave things in the past and not let them affect you now.